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Paying Attention

Session 05 of 10Duration 16mins 48secs

AUDIO VERSION (MEMBERS ONLY)

In this session, Dr Alan Fruzzetti finds when partners aren’t getting along the first casualty is often the ability to pay attention to each other. Often with a mental image of our partner that is not accurate. Dr Fruzzetti looks at relationship mindfulness that enables us to meet our partner in the moment. He considers how paying attention allows us to see what is going on rather than confirming our worst fears. Dr Fruzzetti shares understanding and practices where we can learn to pay attention in constructive ways with an open mind, without judgment and staying in the present moment.

Sessions in this Series

  1. 01

    Motivation To Repair Your Relationship

    Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates how in relationships our feelings can be hurt and we can feel very angry. Getting even or getting back at our partner can make the relationship worse. Finding the motivation to be open and approach the situation is the first step. Dr Fruzzetti reviews different approaches that help us move forward constructively and maintain our self-respect.
  2. 02

    Stop Making It Worse

    In this session, Alan considers relationships where two different people want two different things and how successful negotiation doesn’t have to feel like a conflict. He investigates destructive conflict where either one or both partners end up feeling bad about themselves or each other, and how it can become easier to hurt each other’s feelings rather than break the patterns.
  3. 03

    Recovering from Your Worst Behaviour

    In this session, Alan discusses how despite our best intentions sometimes we misbehave and do things we are not proud of. These things can damage our relationship and have us feeling quite embarrassed. He considers recovery from this situation and how to move on in a constructive and purposeful way. Alan considers the relationship interaction and explains how to find resolution and repair the relationship.
  4. 04

    Accurate Expression

    In this session, Alan looks at accurate expression and communication as an essential component to a good relationship. He reviews research around increased emotional arousal and the inability to communicate accurately. Alan gives examples and explains why accurate expression needs to reflect both your short-term and long-term goals.
  5. 05

    Paying Attention

    In this session, Alan finds when partners aren’t getting along the first casualty is often the ability to pay attention to each other. Often with a mental image of our partner that is not accurate. Alan looks at relationship mindfulness that enables us to meet our partner in the moment. He considers how paying attention allows us to see what is going on rather than confirming our worst fears.
  6. 06

    Validating Your Partner

    In this session, Alan investigates how validating shows that you really understand what your partner is thinking, feeling and wanting. Validating does not necessarily mean that you are agreeing with your partner, just that you understand. Alan offers a number of steps to validating effectively and highlights several things that stand in the way. He looks at managing your negative emotions, judgments and bringing attention to your partner.
  7. 07

    Rebuilding Your Relationship

    Dr Alan Fruzzetti investigates the difference between how happy couples and unhappy couples interact. He reviews the ratio of positive to negative interactions in successful relationships. Dr Fruzzetti considers the various things that we can do to rebuild our relationship from the inside, and how easily we can fall back into old patterns.
  8. 08

    Radical Acceptance

    Dr Alan Fruzzetti explores the notion of radical acceptance. He explains what radical acceptance is, providing us with examples of different scenarios where we can practice radical acceptance. We learn the three essential steps of radical acceptance, which are; tolerance, pattern awareness and letting go of suffering.
  9. 09

    Maintaining Your Self Respect

    Dr Alan Fruzzetti considers how to figure out where the balance lies in your relationship. Between being accommodating and flexible (which is considered a good quality) or being overly accommodating and overly flexible (getting lost and losing your self-respect). He reviews the importance of determining your core values and knowing the difference between what you need and what you want.
  10. 10

    Supporting Your Partner

    Dr Alan Fruzzetti considers how your relationship may be experiencing long-term difficulties. You are not getting along well and then your partner experiences a crisis and really needs your support. He reviews the negative thoughts and toxic interactions that may have hurt your feelings.

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